Hey, SlapSadders. Sorry we kind of disappeared there for a while. Long story short, an armed militia from Alabamaland seized our headquarters on Valentine’s Eve and demanded ransom. After we refused, they began executing people one by one, starting with employees at the bottom of the organizational chart who didn’t matter, but then working their way up through the ranks all the way to T. Rhett, who was shot 99 times in the face at point-blank range. Unfortunately, he did not survive his execution.
The occupation lasted for over two weeks. We probably would’ve all died had it not been for the joint effort of Apple and the FBI, who together were able to open our back door and send in a team of seals, who promptly barked the militiamen to death.
Obviously, we haven’t had much time to make postcards recently, but we’re hoping to be back in fully operational mode sometime next month. It will take a while for our interns to mop up all the blood. We also have to hire a new CEO, which sounds hard, so I might just hold a contest to see which of the interns can mop up the most blood, and let that person be CEO.
Well, I guess that’s about it. I’ll try to write occasionally as we clean up, but things are kind of chaotic right now. Have a punch-happy Leap Monday!